well, it all began on december 2008. i had my first kiss with S. and going on we’ve been kissing almost a year. feelings comes naturally. and its a strong one. we’re about to be engage on his 21st bday. but, things just doesnt work out what we’ve planed. friends were asking “what’s MSHS?” i always answered nothing. MSHS is a code that i created for the both of us. MSHS-My SweetHeart Sang.

yes. im not gonna deny the feeling towards him anymore. because today i’ve decided to move on. no more looking back. no more waiting for hope. no more being that stupid and naive girl anymore. i was happy all the time with him. i think of him everyday. but i guess fantacies stops here. enough is enough.

im sorry for being that dramatic in this post. i hope friends who are reading this can understand what is my motive here. so …

Sern,
eventhough i cant control the feeling towards you. but im gonna try. cuz i’ve decided that you’re not gonna be the guy for me in present and future. save your promises to yourself. im not the fool to you anymore.

-END-

how I still wish Im able to tell you what Im feeling. words cant describe my emptyness without you.

I………….

Still. Never mind.

I……………..

Never mind.

Current job

Current job scope

Current working environment

Current fellow colleagues

Its ending soon. Very soon. Bye Bye Hong Leong Bank.

If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young and we both know
They’ll take us where we want to go
Hold me now, touch me now
I don’t want to live without you
Nothing’s gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I’ll never ask for more than your love
Nothing’s gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing’s gonna change my love for you

Pentru tine doar.

“Sweet messages cant bring my love to you. My love is stable and warm throughout the entire process. I love you as the flowing water. Sometimes it’ll be like a gush and sometimes like dropping water yet it wont dry off. Sense of missing is not the word I give you. But the sense of belonging I would say. I need you to be by my side.”

Everyone deserves to have their secret. The darkest secret. Well, it will not be a secret unless its revealed. To my point of view, I rather keep it to myself. If not, why are they even name it secret? The question is, to keep the secret safe and hidden or to choose to reveal it out? What if you said it out. Just to make yourself feel better or maybe you’re the type of person that can’t keep secret. And you will absolutely tell the secret to others with this sentence “Do not ! Do not ever tell anyone!” Well, that’s circle of life.

I came across of the darkest secret of a person. Honestly, its not a good one. At all. I rather not knowing it at all. But what the heck, I’d already listened to the secret. After hearing the secret, my life change. My ego is getting higher and higher, my temper is not controlling, my words are harsher, my arrogant attitude and…..everything else. I tend to understand what is “being naive” in this real world. I never once reflect to myself that Im naive. Well, I gotta admit. That I was stupid enough to be that naive for the last 9 months. And it gotta stop.

Im now asking myself to love myself more. By doing things that I only want. By not putting anymore feelings towards a single matter. I don’t care if I hurt anyone around me. In my world, its all about me. It was hurt enough and it gotta stop. I can’t leave again and again. So I’ve choose to stay. To stay in the world where feelings does not exist in here, or in anywhere near me.

I REVERT BACK TO REALITY

Goodbye Audrey.

Lately there’s just people around who loves to pissed me off or maybe they’re just trying to seek my attention. Mieka and Alijah(names are protected) suddenly came into my life just to pissed me off. Lets talk about Mieka first. Mieka is a very close person to me. We’ve known for years. We used to hangout often. We share stories, share fashion sense, share makeups products, share almost everything. Can see how Mieka was that close to me. Recently, I don’t know what the F went wrong to Mieka. Mieka seems to be very eye sore towards me. And the back stabbing started. Mieka started to tell my life style and bad habits to a person. A person which controlled me before. A person that I don’t wish to know my personal life. Mieka is telling different stories to different people as well. And that makes the maze more complicated.

The second person who being a L.O.A (Lack of Attention) is Alijah. Alijah is the F-ing last person to judge me. Pissed me off once. Im okaaaaayyyyy. I can F it. Pissed me off twice. THATS IT. Im off from you. Alijah happened to be a very very extremely close person to me. After some circumstances happened, we barely talk. But some event is unavoidable. I still gotta see and talk to Alijah. Being randomly concerning Alijah’s assets, was rudely answered. I got no F-ing idea where it was coming from. So, why bother right? Just don’t come near me anymore as Im really avoiding now. The line is there. Never come across my side please.

“Saying harsh words will just boost your ego higher and higher”
Damn well said. But just loving it

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all – Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so – You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart – never – never – Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life – Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men – At my age I need a steady, quiet life – can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day – therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once – Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together – Be calm – love me – today – yesterday - what tearful longings for you – you – you – my life – my all – farewell. Oh continue to love me – never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

Ever thine
Ever mine
Ever ours

-Ludwig van Beethoven : The Third Letter

A very meaningful love letter. A very reflective love letter.

Dedicated to: My very own Immortal Beloved